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To know you…

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I would enter into the darkest of tunnels to know deepest of your desires and  secrets. I can climb up highest of the tombs and towers to understand the obscure fears that you bind within.

At night I stalk your shadows under the moon, and listen to your breath in profound silence. While the day blesses me with your lovely face and barnet so bonny that I yearn to touch.
I long to sit back and stare at you; look into your naive eyes and explore your heart,
I long for the day I would sit with you and sing to the chords of your piano’s hidden Mozart.

To know you completely is the enlightenment I seek.
To keep knowing you more is the life I want!

Saya

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“Why can’t you be yourself? Why do you act like you don’t have a soul?” She asked her looking deep into her beautiful eyes. They made memories flash back into her’s as she kept waiting for an answer.

When she was a little girl, she used to love watching and talking to her. She loved everything about Saya-way she looked, the way she laughed, the way she dressed herself. She knew Saya the best and Saya knew her the best. She carried an ocean of secrets and desires of which, no one had even managed to reach the shore. Saya had tasted each drop of it.

They grew.
She watched her grow into a goddess of beauty. Her teens saw waves of desire rushing from nothingness into her heart. While her friends told her about their guy crushes in school, she wondered what was something so angelic in Saya that no other persons she had met possessed. She was not just beautiful but had one of the brightest brains, greatest heart and wisest souls. That was one of the reasons why she liked studying with her rather than school.

She used to yearn to touch her every night when she undressed for bed. Her long thick hair, covering her soft breasts ended at her thighs. She used to watch her intently while her fingers glided smoothly on her milk bathed skin.
“God must be an awesome sculptor”, the thought used to keep striking her each and every moment of her visual treat.

She was horrified when she realised she had become obsessed with her. So much so that it was becoming impossible for her not to think about her, touch her or praise her. But there was something admist them that made sure that they can never become one. She was turning mad. She settled on to believe that Saya wasn’t real. But how could she? Saya was indeed the most real person to her. She was someone who defined love!

She knew that she could love no one the way she did to Saya. Who was to be blamed? God? The one who made her fall in love with her; one who was inconsiderate while making her the way she was? She wished she could find someone else like Saya. But then would have she fallen in love the same way? She loved her exactly for what she was!
She wailed, she shouted in angony because that was all she could do. Even god couldn’t change it for her.

“Why don’t you say something!”
Her own shout brought her back into the present. It is a curse to fall in love with our ownself. It is more torturous than hell itself-to not get something you love so much.
Blistering tears rolled down her eyes as her naked self stared back at her from the mirror, displaying the same emotions as her!

P.S : “Saya” is a word in Malay language meaning “I” or “Me”

How to be a soldier at heart

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To fight the evils inside and outside one’s body, to progress in heart, mind and soul and to help one’s peers, family and country to prosper is known as being a soldier at heart.

Not everyone is capable of being a soldier who fights for and protects the country being in the border or a battlefield, but each one of us can become a soldier at heart. Each one of us can promise to strive for the betterment of the system, society and ourselves.

Firstly, why is it important to be a soldier at heart?

Ours is a world that is constantly evolving in every field. Be it science, technology, religious or political ideas. It is because of a portion of the society that it is evolving-the thinkers, philosophers, visionaries. Constant change is a must or, the system rots. But at the same time there are forces that break this down. These forces aim at breaking down the advancement in the society-forces like terrorism. Admist the two positive and negative portions, remains the working force, that functions like automated machines in-spite of having human brains. This portion of the society is functioning just to survive. Is that enough for a life that you aren’t sure you are going to live again? Now imagine that this portion of people joins the positive force which in turn works towards demolishing the negative one. Wouldn’t the so called evolution process work faster? If Earth has to end in some million million years, why not die smarter, happier? If each one of us can become a soldier at heart, this world can become a better place to live in!

So, considering that most of us want to do something about it, where do we start? Let’s begin at the lowest level that is-ourselves.

I, me, myself are selfish words. But these are the most important ones. I am the one who knows myself the best, what I’m best at and what is best for me. I am the one who will be with myself each second from the moment of my birth till death. Rest are temporary and it is a harsh reality. If each person starts believing this, he/she will start caring for and improving oneself. He/she will realise how important it is to be progressive to have a fulfilling life. The person will improve upon his health, skills and career. Half work is done because in any case, that person has the tools to support himself/herself. When the same person will pour out his/her heart and soul towards the society, it will improve. So the first step is to love ourselves. We need to fight our insecurities in order to grow. We need to demolish our weaknesses and polish our strengths.

Second level is family. Cleansing one’s family of wrong ideas and activities is the key. We can’t think of opening up the mindset of the society we live in if our own family is narrow minded or lacks awareness. “Going against” one’s family to prove them that they are wrong is not the idea. It can never be. It is not an act of heroism either. It will only leave them thinking they raised a family member in vain, to loose him/her to wrong ideas. To face them, make them understand and convince them of our idea is the only acceptable thing one can do. Sometimes unawareness leads to nasty ideas. Demolish this evil first and move forward.

Zooming out to get a larger view, we look at our surroundings. Do I feel something is not right around me? Is the place where I live, study or work is not as I wanted it to be? I will fix it rather than ranting and whining about it. I’ll think about ways to improve it, make it better rather than wasting my time being depressed about it and complaining. It may take time, it may not happen in my time. It may happen years after I have stopped living, working or studying in that place, but if it happens, my successors, my juniors or people coming to that place after me will be benefitted. I should think about the future beings besides the people I know in the present. Not thinking about the people of the future is being selfish and soldiers at heart are not selfish.

Still larger picture shows us the world. I want to protect it. I want to keep it clean. I want to motivate the people here for good things, to grow. But why do I have to think about the world? I alone cannot change the world. Then why even try? Mother Teresa beautifully quoted an answer to this by extrapolating the same line in a positive way-

I alone cannot change the world but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples

Sure if I only promise myself not to pollute my surroundings, and clean up the dirt which I can, the earth is not going to shine! But if I can inspire one or two people in my life to do the same, it will.

The small steps that we take today to make the world better in any way will lead us to create something big tomorrow!

Image from Uplift the world

My favorite place at home

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I like to see the flights taking off. I imagine the people inside them and the reasons for their travels. I try to remember my own past journeys, how i used to get bored and hate it. I used to like listening to the safety instructions even though I had almost got them by heart. Now since I travel less, I like imagining my future travels, hoping that I would travel for work rather than for vacationing.

I imagine the life of the workers in the air ports. I never feel awkward staring at the hostesses, they are so neatly dressed. I even imagine their uniforms.

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Sitting on the canopy, I like watching people on road. I feel like being at the top of the world. People normally don’t see upwards so rarely notice me, but I notice them all. I can sit, stand and walk the way I want, even if I’m not inside four walls. That feeling is great!

But the thing I like doing the most is observing the birds. I normally go there during the dusk. So I see birds returning to their nests…silent, unlike during the morning, less chirpy. I try to guess how they feel like when they see the aeroplanes, jets and helicopters. Do they feel jealous because they themselves fly not so high as them? Or do they feel inspired? Do they think its some different kind of bird or are they intelligent enough to understand human intelligence and that humans have built them?

I try communicating with them. I have learnt in Wicca that more you can communicate with nature and its creatures, the more spiritual you are. Animals and birds won’t harm you or get scared of you. I keep testing myself on that. I love every kind of bird- even crows which is not liked by many.

I observe and contemplate. When I see a group of birds I try to find what’s going on in their minds-if they are playing any game. Sometimes it feels that two pals are wishing goodbyes to each other as they split into different directions. While sometimes when I see a couple flying, I visualize, even after they are out of sight, how they’ll reach their nest and feed the young birds or see their unhatched eggs or make love!

Home stay different this time

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I encountered a minor accident and injured my ass.  🙈
Good thing is, it could’ve been worse but I was lucky.😀

I am enjoying the extra attention that I’ve been receiving since then. 😜
Why am I so happy about the extra attention from my family which normally annoys me? It’s because of the way they are doing it!

So it happened during morning hours. After rushing to the hospital and getting the x-ray done (saw the structure of my hip bones and pelvis for the first time. I never believed that skeletal structure can ever be sexy before this!😂) medicines prescribed, I realised that my uncles had reached the hospital too ( Ok. They are overprotective 😑 but you know, I was upset with them the earlier day because of some reason and THIS made me happy. Really happy!) After we reached home, maa, who was by the way, in control of the situation the whole time, freaked out at last. She was scolding the whole family except me 😂. I am the one who gets scolded for everything normally, but wow…

The doctor told me not to sit or do anything “too actively”. Seems like he is telling me to stick to my instincts😂. I am either to stand or lay down. Offcourse I prefer the latter position for obvious reasons 😂. I have been given the divan bed in my parents room (which is my favourite place because it’s along the window that faces the garden) because it is hard. So yeah! I am having a great time!

Papa is out of station for work and we hadn’t told him about it. I talked to him on phone after maa told him. I must tell you, he is damn cute when he tries to act like he is angry on me 😂. Well he did try to scold me for being careless but couldn’t. I had a hard time not laughing at his cuteness. Had he been here, I would’ve hugged him tightly and kissed him.

My cousins told that they’ll visit us tomorrow. So one more reason for me to enjoy the situation. We were meeting on Sunday for a family function. But now my crazy cousins who prefer to take me to their house rather than staying at mine always, are telling me they’ll visit me. Cool. I had promised myself not to meet them before Sunday because I was angry on them too over an argument about will visit whom.

So apart from the medicines and the pain, this vacation is going quite well for me😂. I will honestly miss my morning yoga though. I won’t be regretful for not studying (I can’t study laying on bed right? 😛 but I can surely write 😁). If it was to happen, I am glad it happened at home. I cringe at the idea of going back to hostel and sitting for exams 😢. Well anyways, being sick can be really good sometimes 😛.

THE SWEET BETRYAL

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There I could see my fiance making love to someone else and I couldn’t help smiling to myself… Read the rest of this entry »

Initiating

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I started writing poems by scribbling stuff on my notebook. That was when I was in the fifth grade. It took almost a year for me to realise that those seemingly nonsensical lines actually held beautiful meanings, rhyming enough to be called “Poems”. Read the rest of this entry »