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I would enter into the darkest of tunnels to know deepest of your desires and secrets. I can climb up highest of the tombs and towers to understand the obscure fears that you bind within.
At night I stalk your shadows under the moon, and listen to your breath in profound silence. While the day blesses me with your lovely face and barnet so bonny that I yearn to touch.
I long to sit back and stare at you; look into your naive eyes and explore your heart,
I long for the day I would sit with you and sing to the chords of your piano’s hidden Mozart.
To know you completely is the enlightenment I seek.
To keep knowing you more is the life I want!
“Why can’t you be yourself? Why do you act like you don’t have a soul?” She asked her looking deep into her beautiful eyes. They made memories flash back into her’s as she kept waiting for an answer.
When she was a little girl, she used to love watching and talking to her. She loved everything about Saya-way she looked, the way she laughed, the way she dressed herself. She knew Saya the best and Saya knew her the best. She carried an ocean of secrets and desires of which, no one had even managed to reach the shore. Saya had tasted each drop of it.
She watched her grow into a goddess of beauty. Her teens saw waves of desire rushing from nothingness into her heart. While her friends told her about their guy crushes in school, she wondered what was something so angelic in Saya that no other persons she had met possessed. She was not just beautiful but had one of the brightest brains, greatest heart and wisest souls. That was one of the reasons why she liked studying with her rather than school.
She used to yearn to touch her every night when she undressed for bed. Her long thick hair, covering her soft breasts ended at her thighs. She used to watch her intently while her fingers glided smoothly on her milk bathed skin.
“God must be an awesome sculptor”, the thought used to keep striking her each and every moment of her visual treat.
She was horrified when she realised she had become obsessed with her. So much so that it was becoming impossible for her not to think about her, touch her or praise her. But there was something admist them that made sure that they can never become one. She was turning mad. She settled on to believe that Saya wasn’t real. But how could she? Saya was indeed the most real person to her. She was someone who defined love!
She knew that she could love no one the way she did to Saya. Who was to be blamed? God? The one who made her fall in love with her; one who was inconsiderate while making her the way she was? She wished she could find someone else like Saya. But then would have she fallen in love the same way? She loved her exactly for what she was!
She wailed, she shouted in angony because that was all she could do. Even god couldn’t change it for her.
“Why don’t you say something!”
Her own shout brought her back into the present. It is a curse to fall in love with our ownself. It is more torturous than hell itself-to not get something you love so much.
Blistering tears rolled down her eyes as her naked self stared back at her from the mirror, displaying the same emotions as her!
P.S : “Saya” is a word in Malay language meaning “I” or “Me”
I like to see the flights taking off. I imagine the people inside them and the reasons for their travels. I try to remember my own past journeys, how i used to get bored and hate it. I used to like listening to the safety instructions even though I had almost got them by heart. Now since I travel less, I like imagining my future travels, hoping that I would travel for work rather than for vacationing.
I imagine the life of the workers in the air ports. I never feel awkward staring at the hostesses, they are so neatly dressed. I even imagine their uniforms.
Sitting on the canopy, I like watching people on road. I feel like being at the top of the world. People normally don’t see upwards so rarely notice me, but I notice them all. I can sit, stand and walk the way I want, even if I’m not inside four walls. That feeling is great!
But the thing I like doing the most is observing the birds. I normally go there during the dusk. So I see birds returning to their nests…silent, unlike during the morning, less chirpy. I try to guess how they feel like when they see the aeroplanes, jets and helicopters. Do they feel jealous because they themselves fly not so high as them? Or do they feel inspired? Do they think its some different kind of bird or are they intelligent enough to understand human intelligence and that humans have built them?
I try communicating with them. I have learnt in Wicca that more you can communicate with nature and its creatures, the more spiritual you are. Animals and birds won’t harm you or get scared of you. I keep testing myself on that. I love every kind of bird- even crows which is not liked by many.
I observe and contemplate. When I see a group of birds I try to find what’s going on in their minds-if they are playing any game. Sometimes it feels that two pals are wishing goodbyes to each other as they split into different directions. While sometimes when I see a couple flying, I visualize, even after they are out of sight, how they’ll reach their nest and feed the young birds or see their unhatched eggs or make love!
I encountered a minor accident and injured my ass. 🙈
Good thing is, it could’ve been worse but I was lucky.😀
I am enjoying the extra attention that I’ve been receiving since then. 😜
Why am I so happy about the extra attention from my family which normally annoys me? It’s because of the way they are doing it!
So it happened during morning hours. After rushing to the hospital and getting the x-ray done (saw the structure of my hip bones and pelvis for the first time. I never believed that skeletal structure can ever be sexy before this!😂) medicines prescribed, I realised that my uncles had reached the hospital too ( Ok. They are overprotective 😑 but you know, I was upset with them the earlier day because of some reason and THIS made me happy. Really happy!) After we reached home, maa, who was by the way, in control of the situation the whole time, freaked out at last. She was scolding the whole family except me 😂. I am the one who gets scolded for everything normally, but wow…
The doctor told me not to sit or do anything “too actively”. Seems like he is telling me to stick to my instincts😂. I am either to stand or lay down. Offcourse I prefer the latter position for obvious reasons 😂. I have been given the divan bed in my parents room (which is my favourite place because it’s along the window that faces the garden) because it is hard. So yeah! I am having a great time!
Papa is out of station for work and we hadn’t told him about it. I talked to him on phone after maa told him. I must tell you, he is damn cute when he tries to act like he is angry on me 😂. Well he did try to scold me for being careless but couldn’t. I had a hard time not laughing at his cuteness. Had he been here, I would’ve hugged him tightly and kissed him.
My cousins told that they’ll visit us tomorrow. So one more reason for me to enjoy the situation. We were meeting on Sunday for a family function. But now my crazy cousins who prefer to take me to their house rather than staying at mine always, are telling me they’ll visit me. Cool. I had promised myself not to meet them before Sunday because I was angry on them too over an argument about will visit whom.
So apart from the medicines and the pain, this vacation is going quite well for me😂. I will honestly miss my morning yoga though. I won’t be regretful for not studying (I can’t study laying on bed right? 😛 but I can surely write 😁). If it was to happen, I am glad it happened at home. I cringe at the idea of going back to hostel and sitting for exams 😢. Well anyways, being sick can be really good sometimes 😛.
I started writing poems by scribbling stuff on my notebook. That was when I was in the fifth grade. It took almost a year for me to realise that those seemingly nonsensical lines actually held beautiful meanings, rhyming enough to be called “Poems”. Read the rest of this entry »